It's All MY Fault~!

i pretty much dono wht to talk bout today..but i guess today my post will be boring and long..i mean real damn long...
As normal..today i woke up late again..i dun really like it..when i woke up late..haiz..it's like i have to rush around try to fix up everything..
but today i find out something very precious to me..very very..precious..
my old reflection..
while i was walking today..i look down the floor..
i was lil bit happy when i saw an old part of me is scattering around my shadow today..

wht all my teachers say is correct..
I AM AN IDIOT!!
wow..hard to find me say i am wrong..haiz...
but i am and i admit it..
it's because of my stupidity tht i've get into this..
and i really really hate myself..
felt like murdering myself today wit a big sharp knife or...even jump down frm the building..
and make sure myself after the 18th sec i am dead..
but before all tht..i want to scream my lungs out on why i am born in this world..
i really dun understand how i can change to such a person?? i really dun knw??
just came out of my mind bout this quote..
"when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.."
hahaha..lol when think of this..
but this make me wanna slap myself more..
i dono wht got into me..
it's like i am being vodoo-ed or wht ever shit..
i became the evil part of me that has been caged fr a long time and now it's out and craze fr freedom in me... i dun like it..T.T
i felt so vulnerable to all this stupid temptations.. when i try to recall the things i've done..
it seems that there is no point of return to me..
such prolonged laziness has been my 2nd nature..i hate it...
how can i become like this..
today in class teachers have been givin us the papers back..when i saw my marks and the teachers comments.. to my shock that.. What they said bout me is true..
It's so darn true and yes without thinking much bout it..I've nodded and agree to what they've said..
when everything was out today i just notice that..oh..i'm in Form 6 now..
i suppose to have passion to study more compare to the time i'm in Form 5..cause everything i ask that time now can be taught to me and in details.. i mean imagine that?? limitless knowledge to be learn and to be used..practised..but..it's all wasted in the end??

now..it's so clear to me that..
ya..everything is my own fault..
being lazy has a price to pay..the that price is damn "pretty"

the old me and the new me is so in damn contradic...
i cant believe i've become such person..and now when i realised i am such person..i'm scared of myself.. it's like..i donno where's the line any more between my concious and the opposite..
i really dun knw.. wht have happen to me?? i felt so useless..and..it's like..i've been relaying on them too much..hoping my friends can help me in getting my oldself back..
do i need a time alone?? so that i knw how to be independent?? might be it's a good way...but..i dono if i can bear it.. the loneliness??
knowing myself too well has done no good to me..
i keep on escape my duty and i become more rebellious..
wtf... now when my mom talk to me..i felt so pressurised..damn it..
i felt so weak when people advising me..

argh~!!! i felt like saying to myself.."please go get a life you lame loser...=.="
hahaha..
ya.. i should go get a life..

today have been quiet busy..cleaning my room..woosh.. need bout 1 whole day only the room can be cleaned..
hahaha..a long the cleaning.. found my SIM card~!! woot~!!! ahhh..so happy bout this..
cause i found out that my hp prob was with it's battery and not the motherboard..lol..
at last,,get to have back my old hp..hahaha..
i think this is a sign to me so that i will work hard..
By working hard..i will find wht i wan and manage to giv some other good impacts in other aspect..
today is wht a day~!! ^.^

* swt..today blog real damn serious..hahaha..