self-reflection

Hi..>.< sry i knw i am not suppose to online as tomorw is the 1st day of mid year exam..but.. it's jst tht i need to talk.. i'm always envy love birds.. they seem to be able to share everything..
if only i can do so.. but i knw i wont be able to..cause i still cant get over myself..
i dont knw wht is wrong wit me.. but i jst cant let go things maybe? it's hard fr me to open up.. especially in telling out my feelings.. my real feelings and thoughts..
have i made the right decision? i dont knw.. sometimes i think i've done the right thing but the next min felt as if i've done the worst mistake ever..
i'm tired of expressing wht i'm feeling.. i've always hated to show how i feel..*other than happy or excited time* i felt so vulnerable when i need to tell other ppl how i actually felt.. wht i am thinking.. i'm wrry if one day everyone will knw wht i am thinking and if one day later all my thoughts are knwn or even if one day later the person is not there..
i still cant find a thing to confirm tht one day wont be there?
i dont knw wht i am thiking.. i wanted to open a new blog cause i knw many ppl actually come and browse thr' my blog..creating difficulty fr me to actually find a place to throw all my emo-ness out..=3= argh! life is wht is it all about..then stupid will be my comment!!
wanting a person to understand me.. to knw wht i am thinking w/o me explaining or telling anything.. a person tht really care about how i think and show me how much i mean..
a person tht i felt safe when i am wit and a person tht will do anything i wan..
i've think through this.. and i felt tht.. this person is never there and i dont want a person to change if tht is not the true person..only i get wht it means..
i think time will decide..wether wht i'm waiting fr is worth it..but all i can think bout is tht i'm willing to wait all alone..cause i knw i am always alone till i find this person..i might not be able to find within this 10 years maybe? but i dont mind..cause i knw, frm now till the moment i can find one,i rather be alone.. alone is nice.. u wont be dissapointed cause you dont put on any hope..u wont expect anything much.. barely actually..i think i'm not going to give any explaination bout wht i'm doing anymore.. i wont express my feelings anymore.. sick and tired of it..i jst wan to be alone.. is it hard? dont tell me all the bullshit bout other ppl, ur friends and family or bla bla bla.. if they really care bout u.. you wont be alone right now.. how many ppl actually be by ur side now? none.. how many ppl care when u were thinking of them? are they beside u? it must not be help only!! alot of things can be done by urself.. but how many can u find tht is beside u?none.. so lets face the fact tht they dont care and u are alone.. if u had a best friend so wht? i knw they do care.. i knw they do notice all the small details around u.. they do think bout u.. but they have their own thing going on and u cant expect anything much in return.. true..not denying.. so this is the alone moment thing.. alonealonealone.. keeping everything to urself is good and u wont create alot of problem..gonna shut everything off my life.. i'm sry to say this.. but please leave me alone.. u might think i am selfish but i am not selfish.. i'm very very self-centered..cause i will only find ppl when i'm happy or excited.. but when i'm sad or having problems.. NOT gonna share anything wit u at all.. if humans dont ask.. no point telling..who would have wan to knw or listen to stupid story..^^so let us all be in peace and happy state..

lil piece of everything..

Hi! I wrote this post cause i am totally stunned and speechless again..
i always thought i was a good debater.. cause when i talk.. i cant stop.. think tht most of u guys knw bout it.. but i was wrong till this morning..
never thought i will lose so badly to her.. hate myself=.=

my mom bought some dragon fruits home today..
i saw the fruits on the table and ask her when she bought it.. she say in the morning..
then i told her bout wht mf told me..
mf told me bout something happened to her family when her mom bought the dragon fruits..
she said there's this lil worm inside of it.. so she advice me to becarefull..
i told my mom bout the story bout it..
how serious was it and things.. and u knw wht she answer me?
our convo>>

me: really le.. mf tell me de le... so nxt time u buy must jaga -jaga knw? dont simply go buy knw?
mom: wht? u dont lebih la.. wht all this worrm mia thing? u think mummy no study de arr?
me: i never say so arr.. jst wan to remind u k? u dont lebih wit me pulak..i jst telling k?
mom: aiyah.. dont care la.. so wht if gt worms? THOSE WORMS ARE GOOD FR HEALTH K? IT'S THE FRUITS WORM..
me: *shocked=.=""* har?
then i go speechless.. i only gt . . . . . . . *dots*. . . . . . .

my bro over heard our convo and she told my mom
"ya.. ya.. then if i eat the worms then i wont get cancer right? then i wear underwear outside now i will be superman right? then i eat the worms inside, then few days later i become cacing man right?" then he clap his hands..

i go LOL man..

=random=

hi..jst posting this up fr the sake of update.. dont like my blog to be left dead cause i knw my friends will somehow browse through it..*cough..talking bout some ppl..cough*

recently i am addicted to this fruity fruit.. really in love wit it.. never knew i love it so much till i've been asking my mom to buy it everyday..>.<>>>






me fav fr now.. DRAGONFRUITS.. ^^


ignore this continous post if u dwn to be bored to death..
it happen again today.. my mind wonder again.. when it's after recess, i actually hope tht he wont come..cause i knw if he came..his name will be written down..
but if he came earlier aything after assembly, he will be in trouble too..
i dont knw.. thinking a lot of ways fr him to escape.. but i found myself stupid..
why am i thinking all this when he was suppose to be on time..whtever..
i notice i've become soft hearted.. it's totally contradicting my trueself..
i've never been soft hearted on wht i am doing..
when come to think bout it.. i think it did happen very fast and too fast..
i wonder why do i actually kept quiet when it's happening too fast..
notice tht i actually put confidence and trust in it.. but jst..
nothing i can could say or do to make him see wht he mean to me..
thought tht i knew everything.. but honestly i knew nothing..
we dont knw anything.. but there was never a we..
you and me are same but the we is not there.. i think tht's suppose to be the way?
all my life fr once i am confidence... over confidence on something tht i am afraid off..
and i should knew it wont be perfect.. it will never be? but i think problem come frm myself..
i wanted so much.. so much tht it's hard to get.. and i never give.. i jst take..
might be i take too much till the moment i need to give i cant give anything..
no body knw who i really am..i never felt this empty b4.. i am always alone..
i took my pride too highly i think? but it's jst me.. change it? i dont knw how? or jst tht i am not willing to change fr the inside? humans cant bear the truth.. it's jst painful..
i knew i would say get over it.. but i knew my feeling is the opposite of it..
too naive of me to think and let down my guards jst because i felt ease around.....

collection XD

HI!! XD today too lazy to type since my friends keep on saying my blog sux cause it only has words in it and NO PICS. So, i jst randomly keep few pics for this week.. *actually this few days nia..XP

I was sitting outside the living room jst now and gt too bored so i played wit my hair.. and tada>> it turn out to be nice.. so i took a few pics of it.. XD i personally think it's nice >.<
sometime my friends ask me if i let go my hair when i am at home.. actually if u wan to compare the period of time i let down my hair the most.. it would definately be at home.. but usually i will always do this.. cause i find it neat and nice>>> *then wht u guys did at home?
i wan to knw too >.<

oh.. jst remember i bought a nice nice baby today..
another baby to add in to my collection !! kakaka *evil laughs*
here's some pics of it>>
it's a new store in dp.. and i only bought baby fr RM4.90 XD


look at it.. it's so pretty.. ahhh~!! =D

it's all red!! me love red!! ^^ suppose to buy the cover in red but the chopstick is pink so i took this instead..LOL (realistic of me XP)
there u go..the new jap store in town.. melaka is sooo gonna be a hectic place in the future.. so many entertainment here.. T.T

well.. beside entertainment we do have to take care of our health right?
my mom bought this biscut a few week ago and i was addicted to it.. it taste so natural LOL
and it's really healthy.. really!! enen.. :3
it's high in fibre..
and it's vegetarian food too.. so to my vegetarian friend *point toward meenal* AT LAST I DID SHARE MY FOOD WIT U LOL!!

ah.. i got injured this week.. everyday i think? T__T hate my life since then..
it's like every where.. and it only happen when i'm around him =.= hate u..zzz

let's not talk bout that already.. hmm..

frm 17th of this month onwards, there will be a pc fair in mp.. and look wht i got >>
A USB FAN!! XD
my bro bought the same thing as i did at rm50 last 2 years.. LOL at him now.. and i would like to say to him>> "HAH!! IN UR FACE!! LAN C LA.. DWN LET ME USE! NOW I GOT THE SAME ONE AT RM10!! HAHAHA!!"
but something happen once i bought it.. felt so dissapointed wit myself.. T___T
the moment me and mf took the plastic bag and turn away frm the booth happily..
yoke wan pointing towards the opposite booth and it wrote RM8.00 fr the same usb fan..
waaahhh~~~~!!!! so kek sim!! wah!! i really hate tht moment lo..
i thicken my thick skin and wen to ask the salesgirl whether i can cash back the fan?
she say no..>.< nothing much fr today.. and i took this pic at the store.. i like the key chain they sold there.. it's pretty and cute..xD




thx for reading..^^

shock stunned dissapointed and blur..+.=

it's 2++ now.. i am totally stunned dissapointed and blur and speechless and shocked and argh!!
it's her... it's her.. it's really her..
the moment i woke up i saw her..
i thought it was a bless frm dear god tht my wish came true.. but as i get the clearity of my thoughts back.. *i gt headache in the morning XD*
i was wondering why is she in MY ROOM..
totally shocked.. and once i regain my awareness.. i knw it's like wht i expected..
me stupid fking bro frgive her and bring her back.. and they are now back together...=.=
stupid-est bro i ever had in my whole life..
i wonder if my mom wen to holiday fr honey moon and something happen and there u go.. my bro's birth.. =.=

too dissapointed to say anything.. i did nt talk to her at all fr the whole day..
not tht cheap to talk to her.. and not tht stupid to be like my bro...

now only kek sim nia.. dwn care bout my bro anymore la..argh=.=