jst a piece of my mind..

as usual again.. my mind wonders around again..
thinking and reflecting on what I've did recently..
things seem to go so smooth when u are happy and u tend to neglect the -ve side of it..
not much that u will notice when it happens.. but after what happened..
things gone haywire.. friends become cold enemy in disguise..
love blinding all this disguise.. giving a better camouflage on the problem..
when it happen.. the satisfaction and fun is nice.. as the ego was fulfilling..
but behind all this the dark clouds rises wit silence..
so silence in the dark tht u wont notice anything moving..not a slightest sound is given out..

when u notice tht it is happening.. it's too late..
and worst still u dont knw whether the satisfaction is correct at this moment..
at this moment.. there are a lot of other places need u the most.. but u were paying too much attention tht u have never thought tht u would be giving at such time..
u dont knw whether it helps or u are killing urself..
wht is the most happy things to do? what is the most realistic thing u should be doing?
where is ur stand? u've lost everything when u think u are still having control of it..
cause u dont knw whether wht u are doing now is right? or it should be another way u expected?
even the thing wont happen but till now u still expecting it.. wht is in ur mind?
friends? studies? love? social? money? family? urself?
which is the most important? i dont knw..

life still goes on and time still passes by.. let the bygone be bygone..
all my life what is the main thing i am aiming fr? wht is more important to me? why i can put everything a side now? but back there.. u were shinning brightly too.. and u dont have such problems.. can u let it go? will u let it go?

i've abandoned so much thing when it happen and i thought it can only bring happiness not only to me.. but to my everything.. cause it was never a problem b4 it happen.. but now..
things seems to be more clearer.. i've lost everything i've been safekeeping fr so long..
the moment i said yes.. tht's where it all begins.. might be i've been too selfish..
a bite frm the back on wht i've said and have been preventing frm happening has taught me well this time....
this wound is the wound tht i shall not frgt or ignore.. this is the wound tht i shall prevent frm now on.. since i am being selfish now and i've caused so many ppl in my life sad.. why not jst let me be more selfish and let everyone have their own track back in life? and live happily?
then.. my friends will be back..? then i can concentrate on my studies? then my family wil be happy ? and then my income is back too? then i can go back to my socializing self again? then i can be wht i am? even if love is lost but new love might appear? or might be a better one?

for now.. i dont knw.. i've lost too much things now.. i wan to stay back frm everything.. leaving my world fr a moment.. let things jst be..
self reflection is a necessity to me now.. bt seems tht i am blinded nw.. i dont knw wht i've done is right or wrong?
my thoughts? the world can live witout me.. might be it's true i am selfish.. cause i knw everyone will too.. no matter how or wht i do.. i knw it will come back to normal once i leave it alone.. so why not prevent anything else frm happening?

argh.. been talking in circles now.. time to rest.. and fllw my mood.. but ofcourse more thoughts than mood..
crrntly listening to thinking of u by katty perry..

thanks fr reading..