argh..ahhh~.. waaahhhh~~ zzzz
i am speechless.. for no reasons actually..
test is coming and i really hate myself.. felt so helpless.. so hating myself now..
i DONT HAVE feelings of exam at all.. it's like there is no more kia-su-ness in me at all d..
i hate those stupid things happening around me..
it's like i think bout those things more than my studies.. walao..
wht is wrong wit me..
i am not blaming those things jst tht i am blaming myself of putting too much thoughts in it..
i dont like it man.. i wan my kia-su-ness back.. recently my mood or learning jst come back..
but it seems tht it's those minor ones.. WHICH IS LIKE SO BAD...=.=
i really need to cut this stupid internet connection man..
NEED TO LIMIT MYSELF FRM ONLINING ARGH~!!
last few days i notice tht time is not enough fr me at all..
i felt like i'm so tied up.. with those outing and stuff..
might be wht they said is true..
if there's a will, there's a way..
and i think my will is not strong enough at all..
i need more time.. *prays* T^T
i really really wan to get 4A's in my STPM!! i really wan to, but seems tht i never put much effort on it..sometimes i really doubting myself, wether i really really wan it or not?
cause it seems tht i took it so lightly as if it's jst something tht is simple and easy and even if i flunk it, i wont matters anymore.
I dont like this self.. i really dont!!
i wan to have my kia-su-ness back. I need sometime..
all alone.. i jst wan to be alone frm now on till after stpm..
might be like this, i can really focus on my studies..
*but ofcourse, i do wan to go out once in a while..
so i think i'll try my best to stay at home more, focus on my studies more.. *stabs*
hopefully i can actually..>.<
i dwn to be tht kind of person anymore..
i wan to be a bad person..i dwn to think bout things around me..
i wan to be the cruel me.. which means me living on it's own dark world..
if being ignored, why not isolate myself..
focus all on myself and no more other ppl..
i dwn to lose to ppl around me anymore..
i dwn to be ranked last half in the class..
i dwn to be ranked wit 2 digits in the class..
i wan to focus!! argh.. hate myself when i cant focus..=.=
wit the time i am using to type this now, i think i can already be bathing and eating now..
and i can save my time latter to do my homework..
i dont knw wht has gone into me now..i jst wan to shout out loud..
or might be find a person to talk to, a person tht does not involved in all this.. someone tht is not physically by my side.. someone who i can shout and sing wit..TT.TT
someone who really understand me.. and cares bout me..
but i knw this person is hard to find and i knw it's impossible to find such person..
i think i need time alone.. i cant face those dramas and acting and care and stuff anymore..
might be i keep on trying to click but i never notice tht i've been tired of clicking..
only recently i've notice this..i jst wan to be myself..
which is mean.. and cruel to ppl..
i am like this.. so dont expect much frm me.. i am not ur toy.. never was..
i am speechless.. for no reasons actually..
test is coming and i really hate myself.. felt so helpless.. so hating myself now..
i DONT HAVE feelings of exam at all.. it's like there is no more kia-su-ness in me at all d..
i hate those stupid things happening around me..
it's like i think bout those things more than my studies.. walao..
wht is wrong wit me..
i am not blaming those things jst tht i am blaming myself of putting too much thoughts in it..
i dont like it man.. i wan my kia-su-ness back.. recently my mood or learning jst come back..
but it seems tht it's those minor ones.. WHICH IS LIKE SO BAD...=.=
i really need to cut this stupid internet connection man..
NEED TO LIMIT MYSELF FRM ONLINING ARGH~!!
last few days i notice tht time is not enough fr me at all..
i felt like i'm so tied up.. with those outing and stuff..
might be wht they said is true..
if there's a will, there's a way..
and i think my will is not strong enough at all..
i need more time.. *prays* T^T
i really really wan to get 4A's in my STPM!! i really wan to, but seems tht i never put much effort on it..sometimes i really doubting myself, wether i really really wan it or not?
cause it seems tht i took it so lightly as if it's jst something tht is simple and easy and even if i flunk it, i wont matters anymore.
I dont like this self.. i really dont!!
i wan to have my kia-su-ness back. I need sometime..
all alone.. i jst wan to be alone frm now on till after stpm..
might be like this, i can really focus on my studies..
*but ofcourse, i do wan to go out once in a while..
so i think i'll try my best to stay at home more, focus on my studies more.. *stabs*
hopefully i can actually..>.<
i dwn to be tht kind of person anymore..
i wan to be a bad person..i dwn to think bout things around me..
i wan to be the cruel me.. which means me living on it's own dark world..
if being ignored, why not isolate myself..
focus all on myself and no more other ppl..
i dwn to lose to ppl around me anymore..
i dwn to be ranked last half in the class..
i dwn to be ranked wit 2 digits in the class..
i wan to focus!! argh.. hate myself when i cant focus..=.=
wit the time i am using to type this now, i think i can already be bathing and eating now..
and i can save my time latter to do my homework..
i dont knw wht has gone into me now..i jst wan to shout out loud..
or might be find a person to talk to, a person tht does not involved in all this.. someone tht is not physically by my side.. someone who i can shout and sing wit..TT.TT
someone who really understand me.. and cares bout me..
but i knw this person is hard to find and i knw it's impossible to find such person..
i think i need time alone.. i cant face those dramas and acting and care and stuff anymore..
might be i keep on trying to click but i never notice tht i've been tired of clicking..
only recently i've notice this..i jst wan to be myself..
which is mean.. and cruel to ppl..
i am like this.. so dont expect much frm me.. i am not ur toy.. never was..
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