self-reflection

Hi..>.< sry i knw i am not suppose to online as tomorw is the 1st day of mid year exam..but.. it's jst tht i need to talk.. i'm always envy love birds.. they seem to be able to share everything..
if only i can do so.. but i knw i wont be able to..cause i still cant get over myself..
i dont knw wht is wrong wit me.. but i jst cant let go things maybe? it's hard fr me to open up.. especially in telling out my feelings.. my real feelings and thoughts..
have i made the right decision? i dont knw.. sometimes i think i've done the right thing but the next min felt as if i've done the worst mistake ever..
i'm tired of expressing wht i'm feeling.. i've always hated to show how i feel..*other than happy or excited time* i felt so vulnerable when i need to tell other ppl how i actually felt.. wht i am thinking.. i'm wrry if one day everyone will knw wht i am thinking and if one day later all my thoughts are knwn or even if one day later the person is not there..
i still cant find a thing to confirm tht one day wont be there?
i dont knw wht i am thiking.. i wanted to open a new blog cause i knw many ppl actually come and browse thr' my blog..creating difficulty fr me to actually find a place to throw all my emo-ness out..=3= argh! life is wht is it all about..then stupid will be my comment!!
wanting a person to understand me.. to knw wht i am thinking w/o me explaining or telling anything.. a person tht really care about how i think and show me how much i mean..
a person tht i felt safe when i am wit and a person tht will do anything i wan..
i've think through this.. and i felt tht.. this person is never there and i dont want a person to change if tht is not the true person..only i get wht it means..
i think time will decide..wether wht i'm waiting fr is worth it..but all i can think bout is tht i'm willing to wait all alone..cause i knw i am always alone till i find this person..i might not be able to find within this 10 years maybe? but i dont mind..cause i knw, frm now till the moment i can find one,i rather be alone.. alone is nice.. u wont be dissapointed cause you dont put on any hope..u wont expect anything much.. barely actually..i think i'm not going to give any explaination bout wht i'm doing anymore.. i wont express my feelings anymore.. sick and tired of it..i jst wan to be alone.. is it hard? dont tell me all the bullshit bout other ppl, ur friends and family or bla bla bla.. if they really care bout u.. you wont be alone right now.. how many ppl actually be by ur side now? none.. how many ppl care when u were thinking of them? are they beside u? it must not be help only!! alot of things can be done by urself.. but how many can u find tht is beside u?none.. so lets face the fact tht they dont care and u are alone.. if u had a best friend so wht? i knw they do care.. i knw they do notice all the small details around u.. they do think bout u.. but they have their own thing going on and u cant expect anything much in return.. true..not denying.. so this is the alone moment thing.. alonealonealone.. keeping everything to urself is good and u wont create alot of problem..gonna shut everything off my life.. i'm sry to say this.. but please leave me alone.. u might think i am selfish but i am not selfish.. i'm very very self-centered..cause i will only find ppl when i'm happy or excited.. but when i'm sad or having problems.. NOT gonna share anything wit u at all.. if humans dont ask.. no point telling..who would have wan to knw or listen to stupid story..^^so let us all be in peace and happy state..